Yeah, that’s normal.  I snuck out into the hall and told the doctor that she’s been mistaking me for my mother who is deceased; and it’s been going on for weeks.  I think that should probably be on the chart.

I got stuck behind a road block, arriving about an hour later than anticipated.  Grandma was alone in her ER holding cell.  She informed me that our ragtag band of so-called family members went to the lounge.  So I went off to see if they needed me to go out in search of real food before I rescued my double-parked car from certain towing.  The lounge turned out to be a cafeteria. But I got to tell them how the security guard described them:  a big foreign guy, but not the same kind of foreign as the grandma, and a big younger guy with a red beard, and a Southern woman?  They’re over there.

Fabulous.  If I ever need to describe them to the police, I’ll be sure to use that.  I went off to park the car.  When I returned we had a lengthy discussion about how grandma claims to be okay, but insisted to Uncle Hugh that she must light a candle when the power went out – next to the oxygen tank.  He got her a battery powered candle and said he’d take it whenever she was through with it.  She wants to know why she would be through with it.  He looked at me dumbfounded.

I told him that’s called denial.  If six doctors can’t tell you the cancer is terminal, she isn’t going to hear it from Uncle Hugh.

We hung out in the ER for several hours before she kicked the boys out.  Which was just as well for them.  She tossed me out several times and then called me back in.  I contemplated in the hall if I could do something really irrational and blame it on my mother, since that’s who she thought I was at that moment.  I might get away with it. 

Grandmas attorney appeared with two assistants which freaked me out.  She’s had a dnr order for years, so wtf?  One assistant greeted her with a kiss.  The attorney nearly toppled over when I appeared in the hall and said Grandma had dismissed me.  Some people don’t get my humor.  I must make fun during stress or I’ll cry.

After they left Grandma declared that she doesn’t plan to die; but if she does she wants to be certain DH gets her green chair. 

Then it was just me and Grandma and her friend of many years, Mary.  Grandma is okay with Mary helping her but not me, which is really wearing out poor Mary, who finally gave herself a break and decided to go home, entrusting Grandma to me and the medical professionals.

It really agitates Grandma for me to help her.  She yelled at a nurse for asking me to pass a cup because she (Grandma) imagined that the nurse was presuming her incompetent.  No sorry, just happens to need this cup by me!  It’s totally bizarre.  I’m so old I don’t even want to say how old.  I have a child.  But Grandma acts like I’m twelve.  She didn’t want any pain meds in front of me.

Seriously?  You have bone cancer, let ‘em give you the good drugs.