Frog In North Georgia » Humor

Dress Brother for Halloween

Christine Eclavea Mercer — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 22:53:58 +0000

DD is obsessed with dressing her brother for Halloween. She has suggested several costumes. She is three. He is sixteen.

For example:

Mama, for Halloween I will be a princess. Bubba can wear the fireman costume. It is too big for me. And he is a boy.
Maybe he can be the doctor. But I don’t think so.
It is not nice that Bubba can’t wear the fairy costume because he’s a boy.

Shaun of the Dead

He is not pleased.

I asked him what he has in mind. He said, “Shaun.”

I asked, “Shaun of the Dead?”

He said yes.

Yes! I get cool points for that.

Today DD says, “Mama, for Halloween I will be a princess. Who will be the prince?”

I suggested Daddy. (Hee hee.)

She said, “And Bubba! Bubba can wear a crown.”

When her brother arrived home she told him of her plans for him to wear a crown… and cape… and tights. She’s sorry the wand is broken.

He is not amused.

Did You Know That Hellacious Is Slang?

Christine Eclavea Mercer — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 23:51:00 +0000

I did not know. But it was not in the spell checker. I was not surprised. The spell checker doesn’t have every word. So I looked it up.

What I find most amusing is that it is in league with the word bodacious, a word that I associate with An Officer and a Gentlemen, as in bodacious tatas.

Hellatious: adjective Slang.
1.remarkable; astonishing: They’re raising a hellacious amount of money in taxes.
2.formidably difficult: We had a hellacious time getting here in the blizzard.

Also, hel·la·ceous.[Origin: hell + -acious (extracted from audacious, sagacious, vivacious, etc.), perh. with intensive or aug. force; cf. bodacious, splendacious]

I am not so tragically uncool these days

4 AM Is Not A Good Time For Me

Christine Eclavea Mercer — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 15:27:40 +0000

DH got up at 4:00 AM and headed out to the airport. He was quiet. But he left the lights and tv on when he left.

Ugh. I had a terrible time getting up at 6:00 AM.

DD is not a morning person. She did finally get up and interested in my phone, which was playing mp3s. That prompted a small amount of movement. Movement that would make a sloth proud.

History, Skeletons or Laundry?

Christine Eclavea Mercer — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 00:48:00 +0000

I should probably fill in some family history, so the rest of the blog will make sense. And for entertainment.

As I began to ponder this, I thought, what is it I am trying to do and what shall I title it?

Airing the Dirty Laundry
Freeing the Skeletons from the Closet
l’Histoire
A Narrative
Facing My Demons

Whatever I call it, I will look at the past, and see if I can remember any of it.

Vacation Prep: Divide and Conquer

I Am So Totally Going to Get This Before Christmas

Christine Eclavea Mercer — Sun, 17 Aug 2008 15:59:39 +0000

I must take this doll to Christmas dinner with me.

We had the most fun one year when somebody gave DH a golf doll as a joke. He loves it. He doesn’t think it is funny at all. We all get a huge kick out of that and played with it all day.

Talking Presidents | Action Figure – Ronald W. Reagan

Below are only a few of the 11 different phrases that the Ronald Reagan Action figure says when you press his button.
Batteries Included

The Frog in Her Emerges

Christine Eclavea Mercer — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 23:40:00 +0000

This morning DD starts hollering at me from the kitchen.

DD: Maman! For my birthday, I want an Ariel cake.

Me: Yes, Ariel cake.

DD: For my other birthday I got a nounours.

Me: (not hearing her correctly) A new news?

DD: Yes! Somebody wrapped him up.

Me: (catching on) Ah oui, un nounours de Grandmaman.

DD: Oui! Nounours! Teddy.

Nounours is a teddy bear. She is very literal. His name is Teddy. Her horses name is Horsey.

I Am Eccentric and Live Under a Rock

Christine Eclavea Mercer — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 22:40:00 +0000

I have narrowly escaped missing three birthdays in the past two weeks.

I have missed all of Michael Phelps phenomenal wins. Swimming is my second favorite event, second only to diving. I love it.

A friend told me that her father did not speak to her for fifteen years because she married a man of a different race. I did not know that still happened in America, during my lifetime. Sure, I’ve met dumb, racist rednecks who could go on Jerry Springer. But I cannot imagine any of them fathering my kind and collected friend.

I understand completely why people have accused me of being eccentric and living under a rock.

A New Name for Stupid Chick Behaviour

Christine Eclavea Mercer — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 02:38:52 +0000

Did anyone doubt this last bit ever? I can’t help myself; Oxytocin made me do it. lol. It isn’t as though I’ve never pined over a loser. I am just amused that pining over a loser now has a scientific definition.

New Pamphlet Gives College Women the Truth about “Safe Sex”

The pamphlet, stylishly tinted pink and red, appeals directly to college-age women in personal, but hard-line terms. It discusses in familiar words the effects of oxytocin, a hormone released by intimate behavior, on one’s ability to make clear choices and on the long term consequences of the choices one makes: “Because of it [oxytocin], you could develop feelings for a guy whose last intention is to bond with you. You might think of him all day, but he can’t remember your name.”

Photographing Traffic Weenies and Other Losers

Christine Eclavea Mercer — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 17:01:00 +0000

This morning I get stuck behind a petite person of unknown gender on an equally ambiguous bike.

Can you say that ten times fast?

I wanted very much to photograph, or film this jackass rider for your viewing entertainment. I encounter people making asses of themselves regularly. What is the etiquette of breaking out the camera? Am I required to ask? Should I say, “Say look Mom!”

Is a stealthy method preferable? Is it legal?

Do you think I can use it as a deterrent for asinine behavior? Hey, look, want to see how you’re making an ass of yourself. Right here, I have a recording. If you promise to stop embarrassing me in public, I won’t upload this to my blog.

Is that blackmail? I’m not above a little friendly blackmail.

I Am Eccentric and Live Under a Rock

Career Choices at Age 8

Christine Eclavea Mercer — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 13:00:00 +0000

SS (age 8): Christi, I know what I want to be when I grow up.

Me: You do? Really, that’s great. What?

SS: A Marine.

Me: (regarding skinny child who despises athletics) Really, why do you think you want to do that?

SS: Because they slay dragons.

Me: Hmm. Well, I think that is only on tv.

SS: No, I’m sure. I saw it on tv.

Me: Yes, right, tv is not exactly like real life. It just looks that way.

SS: No, I saw it.

Me: Well, if you really want to be a Marine, I will help you.

SS: You will!? How?

Me: Tomorrow morning, we will get up at 5:00 AM. You will run and I will time you. When you can’t breathe I will yell at you to run some more. Then you can do push-ups and dig holes in the yard.

SS: I know you wouldn’t lie to me. So you must be mistaken.

Me: Nope. That’s what they do. I’m certain.

SS: And slay dragons?

Me: No, no dragons. Maybe an occasional Panamanian.

SS: I don’t think Dad will approve. I’ll ask him when he gets home. (Backs up the stairs away from me as though I have become dangerous.)