I turned forty.  My aunt helpfully suggested this is better than the alternative.  I told my cousin, also recently forty, that if I had known we would survive this long, I might have made better decisions. He said, “I know! Me too.”

I paid all the bills, but forgot to write down the incredibly whopping medical bill, which is not getting the bookkeeping off to a good start.  I had a weird feeling that something was going to come up.  But I couldn’t think of anything, and decided to go ahead and get myself a present, then had to transfer some funds.  I hate when I do that.  I could have waited a week.  I can hardly keep track of what day it is anyway.

I have created a two knitted dishcloths and am exceedingly entertained by the accomplishment.  I used one for the first time today, and am surprised by how well it suits the purpose of cleaning dishes.  I did not know.  I hereby abandon sponges.

knitting stockinette stitch

The Ni Hao Kai-lan hat is missing in the house.  So I cannot photograph it or blog it, putting the sewing blog even more miserably behind.  Ugh.

It’s ridiculously cold.  Nights have been in the teens and days in the twenties.  Crazy cold for Georgia!  I went in search of coats at the thrift store since we’ll likely only wear them one or two weeks per year during a cold snap.  And DD might be able to get one more year out of hers before she outgrows it.  No joy for DH and SS.  But I got myself and DD jackets so warm that I could hardly keep it on long enough inside the store to zip it.  I got one for my nephew too, since it was perfect and only three dollars.

I’m sick of DDs ballet program, but conflicted about switching her to another one.  She likes it because her friends from school are there.  But there are several teachers kids in the class, very young.  And they disrupt the class and the learning of the kids who are actually old enough to participate.  The other options are to move her back to the county sponsored program, which is taught by the same ballet company, but somewhat better organized, and will include one of her other friends.  Or I can just enroll her in the more serious, more expensive program.  She has been doing this for three years already.

ESOL starts up again in a week.  I am going to switch days so that I can go to the Tuesday knitting group if I want to.  I met up with the ESOL instructor and other three volunteers today to get the new schedule.  The students gave all the volunteers and teacher – all female – earrings.  Mine are silver.  I am allergic, but will wear them once to class so I don’t hurt anyone’s feelings.  Then I’m giving them to someone who won’t turn green.

Car two in front of mine hit a skunk this morning. I’m sure it was unavoidable. Traffic on the other side of the road, and a ditch on the other make for no way to swerve. My car smells. I cannot imagine the horrible smell the driver of the car which actually hit the skunk must endure.

Skunks! by Mat Honan

I got into an elevator with an obviously pregnant woman. I don’t presume to know who is pregnant and who is not. Except that she was thin all over, but had an obvious round belly, came out of the obstetricians office, and was tucking ultrasound photographs into her purse.

She held the elevator for me. And so I thought I would make pleasant conversation. I said thanks and asked when her baby is due. She said end of January. I said and you’re so thin, lucky you. I meant this to be a compliment. I was smiling and not being sarcastic.

Her husband said smugly, “Well isn’t that a nice way to say bitch.”

I said, “No not really. I really mean, how nice for her.”

Then I took a better look at them. Because I am wondering wtf kind of spiteful person would think that. Maybe I’m not all that verbally elegant. But I hardly think I was insulting and should illicit that response. I’m not a teenage girl. I’m a grown woman. I can be happy for other people, even strangers, without thinking it will bring my own doom.

He was dark and Northern looking. His expression was very smug. She was all tarted up, and probably forty something. She had a blonde spiral perm and wore a lot of makeup. And she dressed all in black fitted clothes and very high heels. When I had initially seen her; I imagined DH’s voice in my head saying that she is too made up.

They happened to be parked in the car next to mine, a very fancy black import. I didn’t talk to them after his snarky comment. But I waved to her to indicate not to wait for me to pull out first. I tried to forget them. But I feel like some of the husbands creepy smugness got on me. And I need to wash it off somehow. I hadn’t really noticed him. But I was thinking kind thoughts about the wife until he spoke. She seemed nice enough. He was just so ick.

The weather has been strange, one day in the 30s, then next 10 to 20 degrees warmer. I usually hate when that happens. But for some reason my hair has behaved for three days in a row. So I will not curse the weather.

I meant to order handmade Christmas gifts for the teachers. But I didn’t and now school will be out in a week. So I have to find something cute and handmade already in the house or give a less personal gift. I don’t want to make anything, because I’m feeling yukky. And things don’t come out well when I feel yukky.

Blah, blah, blah.

Oh, and I’m totally pissed off that the new state law requires proof of citizenship to enroll in ESOL classes. The classes are citizenship classes, and federally funded. So you’re not going to let would-be citizens take advantage of the federally funded program to learn how to speak English better and be more productive. Yeah, some racist prick thought of that I’m sure.

So the ESOL class that I tutor will be one third to one half smaller next semester. And those non-citizens will be studying on their own. I completely agree with deporting criminals, actual criminals, but not keeping hard working people out of citizenship classes. That is just un-American to me.

I worked in the ESOL class today. I thought that would cheer me up. But it did not. I only felt more affection for immigrants, and thus missed my family even more. Usually on Tuesdays I feel quite happy, especially after class.

A positive side effect of my grandmothers death, is that it prompted me to have greater appreciation for my cousins, who I know and are still alive. That may sound preposterous. But my dad’s side of the family was exposed to radioactive fall-out. That did not assure a long life for him and many others of his generation.

On the other side of the family, I don’t really know people. It was my father’s family whom we lived near, and spent our time with. And pleasantly, these are the people who have all been appearing on Facebook. I know other families actually use the phone. But we have not. And for the most part, still do not. Though text messaging has become very popular among us.

I miss my cousins too. Argh.

I hate to be blue. I opened all the windows, put on cheerful music, lit a happy smelling candle, cleaned the house.

Still blue.

I felt better for a while after I spoke to a friend on the phone. Then I picked up DD and took her to the grocery. I have rarely taken her shopping with me since school started. But yesterday, we went looking for a gift for DH. And today we went to the grocery together. She was shockingly well behaved in the grocery. She is usually quite pesky about wanting to buy junk food.

Today, I told her she could could pick out a few things before we entered the store. And we agreed on a pastry, pears, spaghetti squash and cheese bread. (Yes, she picked those out.)

I now have an arsenal of ingredients with which to cook. And that should keep me busy all week.

I got a turkey for DH to mess with since they were 89 cents per pound. And now that I see how gargantuan it looks in my refrigerator, wonder if I will have to go out and buy a larger roasting pan or cut it into parts and cook them separately.

I tried to get inspired to sew. But the fabrics all looked boring to me. So I’ll need to ignore them for a while. Or buy something entirely new.

I may be encouraged enough now, by Liz and Marne to try knitting. It still looks incredibly complicated to me. But I think that a handful of cotton or cashmere yarn could be very soothing on an evening like this one, already dark at 5:30 PM. That may be temptation enough to get me past the imagined doom of knitting.