Holiday Blues
The past two days I have woken up feeling very blue. For some reason it is bothering me that this is the first Christmas that I will spend without my grandmother. She and I often did not see each other on Thanksgiving or Christmas day, but at other times during the season to celebrate.
So with that thinking, it seems that December would not be so much more important or sad than any other month. But, I still woke up blue. Applying the logic of this being just another month did not help me to feel better.
I worked in the ESOL class today. I thought that would cheer me up. But it did not. I only felt more affection for immigrants, and thus missed my family even more. Usually on Tuesdays I feel quite happy, especially after class.
A positive side effect of my grandmothers death, is that it prompted me to have greater appreciation for my cousins, who I know and are still alive. That may sound preposterous. But my dad’s side of the family was exposed to radioactive fall-out. That did not assure a long life for him and many others of his generation.
On the other side of the family, I don’t really know people. It was my father’s family whom we lived near, and spent our time with. And pleasantly, these are the people who have all been appearing on Facebook. I know other families actually use the phone. But we have not. And for the most part, still do not. Though text messaging has become very popular among us.
I miss my cousins too. Argh.
I hate to be blue. I opened all the windows, put on cheerful music, lit a happy smelling candle, cleaned the house.
Still blue.
I felt better for a while after I spoke to a friend on the phone. Then I picked up DD and took her to the grocery. I have rarely taken her shopping with me since school started. But yesterday, we went looking for a gift for DH. And today we went to the grocery together. She was shockingly well behaved in the grocery. She is usually quite pesky about wanting to buy junk food.
Today, I told her she could could pick out a few things before we entered the store. And we agreed on a pastry, pears, spaghetti squash and cheese bread. (Yes, she picked those out.)
I now have an arsenal of ingredients with which to cook. And that should keep me busy all week.
I got a turkey for DH to mess with since they were 89 cents per pound. And now that I see how gargantuan it looks in my refrigerator, wonder if I will have to go out and buy a larger roasting pan or cut it into parts and cook them separately.
I tried to get inspired to sew. But the fabrics all looked boring to me. So I’ll need to ignore them for a while. Or buy something entirely new.
I may be encouraged enough now, by Liz and Marne to try knitting. It still looks incredibly complicated to me. But I think that a handful of cotton or cashmere yarn could be very soothing on an evening like this one, already dark at 5:30 PM. That may be temptation enough to get me past the imagined doom of knitting.
Another benefit of knitting is that you can bring it with you places. You cannot lug your sewing machine around with you. But you can stick a sock or hat project in your purse and knit at the doctor’s office, or while waiting in line.
And give yourself a break, regarding feeling blue. You lost someone close to you, and that’s going to hurt for quite a while. So if you need to curl up on the couch and watch a sappy movie or look at pictures and cry, you don’t have to ask anyone’s permission!
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I agree with everything Marne said.
I find crying a little makes me feel a little better. Cathartic I guess. Just a little, not the snot blowing ugly cry. I don’t like those.
Knitting can also make for a good friends. My mother and I once had a wonderful teacher and group we met with once a week to knit and chat for an hour. The teacher would help us get through problem spots and give us tips and enough knowledge to continue or projects for another week. I knitted the front of a sweater and then I went to college.
.-= Elizabeth A.´s last blog ..Football Excitement. =-.
Marne, I do always feel quite jealous when I see someone knitting outside ballet class. I used to bring a cross stitch. But I got bored with that. I don’t have to wait outside ballet class at the moment, since it’s afterschool. But I always seem to be waiting somewhere.
The ballet teacher told us today how much she loves the legwarmers. I proudly told her that they were a handmade gift from you.
Liz, I think Marne has a knitting group she likes – but is not near me. It is a really good idea. Marne has offered to help me before. I just chicken out.
I’ll have to make her some more. Is that size still good. I think you said they should be longer, though? (That’s easy.)
Also, if you want to learn to knit, it’s much easier now because of the popularity of internet videos for everything. The best videos can be found here: http://www.knittinghelp.com/videos/knit-stitch (this is the video for the knit stitch — you can link to videos for how to cast on, purl stitch, etc. across the top).
Also, for reference, I knit continental style. There are videos for both Continental and English style because different people learn different ways.
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