Today, I read Laura’s post, excerpt below, which has me thinking of some mantras I’ve learned as a step-parent. Those of you who’ve heard me rant may not know I have calming mantras. But I do.
Rebellious Thoughts of a Woman: Advice from a Friend Who’s Been There
You need to have mantras. These are some of the mantras she shared with me for dealing with exman/slime on custodial issues. We are only one week into younger daughter going back and forth and already he is being himself, causing problems, lying and bullying everyone around.
A few great words of advise and mantras that I’ve learned:
- Disengage
- Not my kid; not my problem.
- They’ll always be your spouses child. But eventually, they grow up and move out.
- Let your spouse catch them when they’re up to no good. If you can’t do that (like someone is in danger), provide photographic evidence, or a witness.
- Say nothing.
- Give them enough rope and they’ll hang themselves.
- When someone uses, “I’ll just go to mom’s house,” as a threat, offer him a ride.
- Taking care of your own child is called parenting. Taking care of someone else’s child is a favor. In other words, don’t do it if you are going to feel put out about it. It’s not your job.
And those are the mantras that got me through ten years of blended family. I’m sure ten more years are ahead. But since my stepson turns eighteen soon and moved out last week, those years will be different. Also, things have been very different with him since his biomoms second divorce, third marriage and two more children arrived.
Thanks for excerpting and linking to my post. It seems that you’ve done a pretty good job of finding the mantras that suit your situation. Maybe a mantra for any kind of mother (or person for that matter) is that you are not in control of another person.
Laura’s last blog post..The Symbolism of the Laundry