Large Family
Today we ran into a family of eleven. Nine kids. I asked the mom (who I thought might be the grandma) if any of the three small children playing with mine were hers. She said yes. I asked all three of them? She said yes. I indicated the children behind me that she had been managing. She said yes, all mine. There are nine of them total. But the oldest are in college.
Wow. This is a woman who has been productive. (And she clearly smelled my curiosity.)
A myriad of questions ran through my head, that I did not ask because none of them are my business.
- Have you ever heard of birth control?
- It’s 1pm; are they all home schooled?
- Do you live in a compound?
- What does dad do for a living?
- Do you live on a farm because you have to grow your own food to feed that many people?
- Are you the only wife?
- The baby isn’t really your grandchild?
- How many rooms are in your house?
- Do you own a bus?
- Were you fourteen when you married?
I was mentally duct taping my mouth shut so the questions would not escape me. Still, some things got out.
Forty-something mother of noisy children says she tries to keep them quiet in the library and often thinks the children’s section belongs behind a glass wall. I say, yes, I advise my child to play quietly. But there are toys here. So I don’t make it a big deal.
She says yes. I say my child is very excited today, because usually when we come there are not more than five or six children. She is really happy to play with them. Forty-something mother says, yes, there are a lot more than usual today. I say yes, well if you have nine there will always be more than six when you are here. You could have a sports team.
Duh.
We smile at my stupidity. She has that patient, inveterate look of a person who has heard that remark thousands of times from curious idiots in public places.
I was hoping we would leave at the same time so I could see what they were driving. She was collecting her children at the same time. But you just can’t round up seven of them like you can a single one. We just went on, not allowing myself to act like a stalker.
Outside I looked at all the vans and buses in the parking lot wondering which one could be theirs, or if the teens rode in a separate car. I spied one that was enormous that did not belong to the senior center and was glad that I would have to drive past it on my way out and not circle around to satisfy my curiosity. It was like a daycare bus, filled with various size carseats for the smaller children. It had an 8 1/2 x 11 size bumper sticker with a bible verse on it. That could be it.
I still want to know if she is the only wife.
Ha!! Flashback to college for me. I dated a guy for a couple of years who had them beat. He was one of ten. 17 years between the oldest and youngest. They were staunch Catholics. The older three, including him, graduated from Marist until his father decided it really wasn’t worth the money. The house they lived in was apparently the smallest house they had ever had, with 8 bedrooms. It was in a huge neighborhood. At the time, his neighbor was Michael Vick, in Sugarloaf? Is that a neighborhood in Duluth? I never knew exactly what his dad did, he worked in England and came home every six weeks. He eventually got a vasectomy after consulting with their priest. And, no, she actually looked really good, but she had the money to work out a lot and have plastic surgery. Oh, and they had a Suburban if everyone was to go, church mainly. It was a very strange household.
Liz, she was a very nice looking lady and well preserved. Though she did look old enough to have children in college.
We had a lot of kids in my parents house while I was growing up. But it broke down to two biological, one adopted from foster care, children of irresponsible relatives, and any other wayward stray child or even adult. Some charity organization could have awarded my mother a medal.
Ha, we were the same when I was in high school. We had four bedrooms and they always seemed to be full, despite my sister and I being the only custodial children in the house. I guess we all have strange households in one way or another.
Can I add two questions to the duct taped lips for when you take off the duct tape next time you see her. The first is personal, the second is more philosophical to ponder on.
–What do you take to remain in equilibrium (ie., not scream 24/7)?
–Do big families somehow breed complacent kids? Is it in their DNA to have kids who go with the flow, kind of like how they (how horrible of me to say) are going with the flow of what their religion says without any (you know) slippages?
From what I’ve seen, the responsibility of the older children (especially the girls) help keep the house running. The children in this family were complacent on the outside, but few of them kept up with their parent’s religious fervor outside the home. All of them still considered themselves “proud Catholics” though.
My father has eight brothers and sisters. My mom has a modest three sisters. I grew up with countless numbers of cousins. There was always family around. They were my best friends and my playmates. Family functions were a wonderful madhouse.
Now, my father did grow up on a farm where they did raise their own food (including pigs and chickens). They were Catholic. They were not homeschooled. They did not live in a compound. They did do normal things like play cards and drink. My grandmother was in her 20′s when she married.
Some good friends of ours have six children ranging in age from seven to three months. They have a five-bedroom house. They do homeschool. They also play Dungeons and Dragons with us once a month.
I would have six kids if I thought that I could afford it!
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