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What am I going to do with all these Hobbies

By on February 1st, 2012

Since I spent my twenties putting myself through school, I didn’t really have any hobbies.  I have always owned a computer, liked to read and exercised.  But I would not have called any of those things a hobby. I worked.  I studied.  That took up more time than I really had.

However, now that I’ve become domesticated I have acquired hobbies. Here in the United States people inquire about your profession.  But in other places, the interesting thing about a new acquaintance is their hobbies.  I guess in other countries people have time to have hobbies?

Whatever.  I’m not sure how I can possibly keep the scrapbooks that I began when I realized the inherited 70s collections were rotting.  I don’t know how I’ll ever finish them.  That’s a whole accidental hobby by itself.  And there is the related and completely time-consuming family history and genealogy.

Unrelated I have sewing.  Sewing is practical.  And I might argue that it is necessary.  But that would be silly since we won’t go naked if I don’t sew.  I rarely sew garments.

I also have this blog.

So now I have acquired hobbies, a fair amount of accessories for each, and have very little time.  If the girls didn’t just look elven, but could actually behave like elves and help me, then we could do all of the hobbies.  That is not likely to happen anytime soon.  DD7 has her own scrapbook.  It’s great.  But it looks like a seven year old did it (as it should).  So I probably shouldn’t hand over the scrapbooking scissors and irreplaceable photographs.  DD1 harasses DD7 from under the kitchen table, trying to climb up into her lap and grab things off the table.  So… scrapbooking is out as a family activity.

Ditto genealogy, blogging and sewing.

Boo, hiss.

We do sort of exercise together.  I have rubberbands that I use to work out.  I purchased more of them so that we could all share and nobody would fuss over not getting to hold one.  But DD1 wants whichever one someone else is holding, regardless of whether or not she has one, nearly identical, in her own hands.  DD7 has only a marginally better attitude.  She doesn’t covet the rubber band I’m using.  She instead wants to jump over one like jump-rope, in the house next to lamps, hook one over her sister, or swing one wildly like a whip.  She appears unable or unwilling to remember this from day to day.  Either way, somebody ends up laying on the floor yelling.

Sometimes I think it should be me.

Family No comments yet

Thursday Kids and Activities

By on January 26th, 2012

Thursday is the most hellish day of the week. It’s ballet day. And if I didn’t truly believe that children need activities to keep them out of trouble, build self esteem, and gain physical exercise, grace, or whatever, I would drop it.

blue ballet tutu

DD7 complains incessantly. Not about ballet, which she loves again, now that the child who was bothering her in class is not attending. She just complains, about homework, which generally takes ten minutes of actual work and twenty minutes of complaining, about her sister, being bored, doing any task, and pretty much anything that she can articulate into a sentence.

Though annoying, the complaining is tolerable, or ignorable, except on Thursday. Then, the three of us are trapped in a van for the round trip, tired and hungry. Even the snack creates drama.

DD1 dislikes it when I (or anyone) is doing something that does not involve her. On Thursday, the exclusionary tasks make up a long list. She throws regular tantrums while I wash dishes, prep everything for dinner, do emergency laundry which inevitably happens, pack snacks and run everything to the car. Sometimes she naps. On Thursday, not so much.  It could be a form of protest.

Then we get into the van and head for the car rider line.

Today DD7 told us about her friend not being polite, then bursting into tears. DD7 clarified that yes, the person being mean was the one who cried. She didn’t understand why either. Immediately, DD1 grabbed the snack bag. Then she threw a cracker at her sister. Then all of the crackers, one after another. Instead of taking the bag back, DD7 complained loudly, in an indignant tone.

I couldn’t stand the drama a moment longer, so I said, “There, now she’s run out of crackers. ”

DD1 then threw everything else she could reach – sip cup, pacifier, a toy, and a brush.

I was unable to find sympathy in my heart for DD7, who declined to sit a row away from DD1, because she didn’t want to be bothered to move her booster seat.  Moving the booster seat involves simply picking it up, and carrying it back one row.  It takes seconds.  So, she was in no way ambushed by DD1, and had actually begun to complain prior to the cracker attack.

Gaah!

DD7 says she would like to also do gymnastics, karate, and pretty much any activity that a friend is doing or she hears about on the radio.  I have informed her that unless she plans to be say, an entirely different person, one not prone to injury or getting sensory overload when more than one afternoon per week is scheduled, she can forget about it.  For years I told her she could do something instead of ballet and she said no.  Now she just has far too good a time, has too many friends in class, and is too good to quit on a whim.  I have seen what it looks like when she genuinely isn’t interested in something – this isn’t it.

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On Gold Mountain Book

By on January 24th, 2012

It’s a coincidence that I read two books written by Chinese Americans in a row. Before Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, I read On Gold Mountain, by Lisa See.

Interestingly, See writes about her paternal great grandparents, the grandfather being Chinese, the grandmother American and Caucasian. See herself, several generations later, has only one eighth Chinese ancestry. But she considers herself Chinese.

I think that people identify with the ethnicity of the culture that they’re given. I grew up with a French grandmother, but often think of myself as having French ancestry because that is the grandparent who spent time with me, and told me about her family and traditions.

The research that went into On Gold Mountain must have been incredible. I imagine that it took years of combing through records and interviewing relatives. I especially enjoyed the photographs of the See family that were included.

Also included in the family history was information about adultery, unplanned pregnancy, and alcohol abuse. I wonder how a family historian manages to pull that off – getting permission to publish deeply personal events. I have, now about a year and a half into the family history adventure, had a few conversations about sensitive family events. But releasing them to the world in print is something else entirely. I think the inclusion of these traumatic events is what makes the book authentic, and a tribute to the family. Because real people have problems, and sometimes make poor or hurtful choices.

I had no idea of the significance of the area called China Camp, before reading the book. I once asked my father how it got the name. In his usual, brief way,he said Chinese lived there, life was terrible for them. And that was most of the conversation.

I may read the book again. The characters seem like friends.

Life No comments yet

American Girl Doll Jess

By on January 21st, 2012

For my birthday, I bought a doll. An absolutely ridiculous gift for an adult, but also perfect. All of my childhood, dolls looked like Barbie : blonde, blue – eyed, Caucasian. So when I encountered a little Amer – Asian doll, I knew I had to bring her home.
image
Jess McConnell was the Girl of the Year in 2009. Her American Girl story is that her mother is of Japanese heritage, and father of Irish heritage. They’re both archaeologists, and American. And the family is going to spend a year in Belize.

I began stalking the eBay auctions. These American Girl dolls are pricey, even used! It seems the least expensive dolls, in good condition, sell for about $76, without any accessories. Those with accessories, often go for over $100, which is more than a new doll. Hands down, the Jess doll is the most frivolous thing I have ever wanted for my birthday, as an adult.

Oddly enough, women seem very understanding about this. And even DH, who often looks baffled by female behavior, didn’t appear surprised. My very practical sister in law said that she would like to have one too.

I bid on a doll after Christmas, and won her. She arrived early, on my actual birthday. And amazingly USPS delivered her to our house, instead of to a neighbor. She came with her pet monkey, passport, notebook, purse, two bathing suits, and her meet outfit.

We call her Jessie. DD7 and DD1 love her. DD7 is crazy about the bathing suits, which she puts on Kanani and Jessie most of the time. DD1 is most interested in brushing the dolls hair. (And her own, and mine.)

We’re really having a good time with the dolls.

Books No comments yet

Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother

By on January 21st, 2012

Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, I read because I was interested in the motivation behind Asian parenting. The author, Amy Chua, refers to her parenting style as Chinese. But to me, the parenting style is more inclusive.

As it turns out, the book is famous, and controversial. And somehow I missed hearing about it. I just stumbled on it in the e-library.

Our family had Chinese and Korean American friends growing up. I knew that we would only ever see them at functions that included the whole family, once per week or less often. I knew that for them, piano lessons were mandatory. And so were Chinese language lessons. (I don’t remember if my Korean American friends had language school.) I thought Chua’s book might tell me why, what thinking made piano better than sports.

Chua argues that the most important thing that she can do for her children is to help them to succeed, driving them, nagging them, and chastising them if necessary. She goes to great lengths to take her daughters to the best instructors, and ensure that they practice, study and obey. While not offended by her practices like some readers and friends (that she mentions in her epilogue) I’m far less extreme.

As a non Chinese mother, I have no interest in arguing with my children for hours about school, Chinese lessons or anything else. It’s not because I think it’s ok for them to be lazy failures. I just have a more moderate (Western) approach. I think they need to do well in school, and make certain homework gets done. I think children need positive extracurricular activity. I just don’t think that it has to be painful or needs to exclude playdates.

Though I do not subscribe to extreme parenting, I found the theories fascinating. Definitely an interesting read.